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The Elf Returns - The Adventures of Legolas Greenleaf

About The Elf Returns

Previous Entry The Elf Returns Feb. 10th, 2005 @ 01:11 am Next Entry
Hello my tantalizing elleths! Have you missed this Elf?

Aye, it has been a rough couple of months here in Fangorn Forest and I have been without internet connection for far too long. I hope I did not cause any of you to inflict permanent bodily injury upon yourselves at the thought that I may have abandoned you.

My companions have not changed in the least. Upon hearing that the hobbits were safe, Aragorn immediately abandoned the quest in favor of smoking dried Ent leaves and painting terrible pictures of Arwen.

I have tried telling him that he has less chance of becoming a good painter as I do of giving up arse but alas, he refuses to listen.
Meanwhile, Gimli has taken to licking Orc blood off of the foliage because he heard that it had hallucinogenic properties.

Disgusting, the both of them. At least I have the trees for companions, as everyone I have ever loved has decided to forsake me.

As you all are surely aware, I was deeply involved and hopelessly in love with the fair alaksirwen, who was carrying my child. Alas, it was all a lie, as I learned through a series of tragic events.
The child was lost through an evil encounter with Gollum attacking my beloved. I fell into despair, endless black despair at my own failure at protecting the ones I loved. I attempted suicide several times but it is a good deal harder for an Elf to end his life than a mortal.
After that, I willed myself to fade but alaksirwen prevented it at the very last moment by making a miraculous recovery. We made love under the stars, so sweetly, tenderly, like a renewing of fresh spring rain. Until I brought her to climax and she screamed the one word that shattered my fragile Elven heart and soul for eternity...

"Orlando!"

I was utterly crushed and it was all made worse by her attempts to deny that she had been unfaithful. I knew the truth and cast her away like the lying, heartless strumpet she was.

These Elvish eyes may have been blinded by love once but now I miss nothing. My life has new purpose- to hunt down this "Orlando" and castrate him for stealing my alaksirwen's affections and sweet, succulent arse from me!

Have you seen this man?

Oh yes, Legolas is coming for you, "Orlando". No one and nothing will prevent me from exacting my revenge upon you for tearing my beautiful world apart. My quiver of infinite arrows is coming for your arse...


~Legolas~
Gûrel câr man arad?: gratefulgrateful
Man pen linna?: Hangin' Tough- New Kids on the Block
Leave a comment
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From:id_anonymous
Date:February 10th, 2005 06:26 am (UTC)
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In the wild and wonderful world of OOC...:

*screams of laughter abate*

In the world of Legolas: I will help you to hunt down this "Orlando"... he has taken the hearts of too many beautiful females already...
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From:legolaswoodelf
Date:February 10th, 2005 06:35 am (UTC)
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So wonderful to see you, my elleth!

You will help me find this "Orlando"? I would indeed be grateful for eternity!
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From:id_anonymous
Date:February 10th, 2005 06:37 am (UTC)
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I heard he lurks in a special place in North America called "Hollywood"...
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From:ladyheatherlly
Date:February 10th, 2005 06:58 am (UTC)
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Legolas, I'm so sorry alaksirwen is such skeezy hoebag. I've met this "Orlando" character and believe me, he's nothing compared to you.

I'm so glad to see you posting again! Your elleths will surely help to heal your fragile broken heart.

♥ Adora
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From:legolaswoodelf
Date:February 10th, 2005 07:00 am (UTC)
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Beautiful Adora! Seeing your face alone does much to mend my soul.

~Legolas~
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From:alaksirwen
Date:February 10th, 2005 07:34 am (UTC)
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You have cut me to the quick Adora, I realize that you are true to your elf but shame on you for not even caring to hear my thoughts on the issue.
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From:ladyheatherlly
Date:February 10th, 2005 07:49 am (UTC)
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Shame on you you poncy SLUTCOOKIE for hurting my Elf!
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From:mistaria
Date:February 10th, 2005 09:02 pm (UTC)
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XD!!!
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From:diva_arwen
Date:February 11th, 2005 04:52 am (UTC)
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You are most astute! Quite an impressive array of insults ;) Still, Legolas being as old as he is should have known better. You're not being fair to the girl.
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From:alaksirwen
Date:February 10th, 2005 07:38 am (UTC)
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http://www.livejournal.com/users/alaksirwen/99857.html?mode=reply
Things are not as they seem, elleths. I assure you I am not the monster he is making me out to be.
Hear my plea, sisters. I know not what he wants of me anymore and I am left to my sorrows.
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From:diva_arwen
Date:February 11th, 2005 04:51 am (UTC)
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I am on your side, little one. Fear not! We shall yet cut up the prancy elfling to bits.
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From:misswilde
Date:February 10th, 2005 08:18 am (UTC)
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Welcome back Legolas....we missed you! <3
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From:mrs_silmarwen
Date:February 10th, 2005 01:35 pm (UTC)
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Same here!
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From:legolaswoodelf
Date:February 11th, 2005 04:11 am (UTC)
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*Elvish love*

~Legolas~
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From:legolaswoodelf
Date:February 11th, 2005 04:10 am (UTC)
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I missed you too, beautiful elleth.

~Legolas~
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From:aficatgirl2222
Date:February 10th, 2005 08:48 am (UTC)
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*runs up and picks you up swingin you around* Leeeegoooolaaas! Your back! .......wait.... you mean to her and I know she no hurt you cause I been keepin her busy. Trust me. *blink* And if you don't know who I am..... well you don't know me but I know of you thanks to her mouth overfilled with only words of you.
..with love..,
~The Golden One
(hehe slutcookie..thas funny)
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From:legolaswoodelf
Date:February 11th, 2005 04:08 am (UTC)
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Many things were resolved when she gave me arse last night. I overfilled her mouth with something else entirely.

~Legolas~
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From:aficatgirl2222
Date:February 11th, 2005 04:44 am (UTC)
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huh.....mmm good for you then....*laughs*
~The Golden One
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From:catonthemoon
Date:February 10th, 2005 02:40 pm (UTC)

You shock me.

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I suppose that I am not one to talk... but you know as I do that revenge is not right. Lives are more important than our feelings of anger... No matter how much we hate those who have taken our loved ones, we must not kill them, or we are no better than they.

Welcome back, my friend, and I am deeply sorry for what has happened to you.
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From:legolaswoodelf
Date:February 11th, 2005 04:06 am (UTC)

Re: You shock me.

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But revenge soothes my soul.

It is good to see you too, mellon nin.

~Legolas~
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From:catonthemoon
Date:February 11th, 2005 09:27 pm (UTC)

Re: You shock me.

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It may sooth you now... but the guilt will kill you later.

Perhaps literally, if you are not careful.

I speak on my own experience.
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From:teasingfool
Date:February 10th, 2005 04:05 pm (UTC)
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Maw. *cuddle* Dirty cheat!
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From:mistaria
Date:February 10th, 2005 09:07 pm (UTC)
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I love your icon! XD
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From:mistaria
Date:February 10th, 2005 09:08 pm (UTC)
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Legolas, my darling! I was wondering where you had gotten to. ::gropes:: :D Welcome back!
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From:legolaswoodelf
Date:February 11th, 2005 04:04 am (UTC)
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I like to be groped very much. Thank you.

~Legolas~
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From:diva_arwen
Date:February 11th, 2005 04:50 am (UTC)
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Would you please inform my idiot betrothed that if he's going to continue making such a fool out of himself, I shall be most displeased.
I also do not look like the thing he's drawn. Kindly shoot him for me.
Let me see if I understand this. The girl fell in love with you, you knocked her up, she lost the kid to that monster (how does one lose a child because of that obsessive imbecile anyway?) and then you poof! Did your infamous disappearing act, the girl suffers, you reappear after Morgoth knows how long and then you howl like an elfling about her saying a different name during sex? I'm surprised she didn't call out more than one!

Legolas, you have a good girl. Don't lose her!
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From:katherine_15
Date:February 11th, 2005 06:57 am (UTC)
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Eep!

Ohmigod, Legolas, calm down! Don't do anything rash! This Orlando is not as silly (and easily annihilated) as he looks in that picture!

::sniffles:: And Legolas, you still have the LOVE of all of us.
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From:nasveratu
Date:February 13th, 2005 07:55 am (UTC)
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PFFT. Missed you muchly =)

And, she would cheat on you for some 'Orlando'? Appauling. He looks like a snarky pretty boy to me. No competition, you are such the better -grin-
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