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Hahahaha! Stupid Elf. - The Adventures of Legolas Greenleaf

About Hahahaha! Stupid Elf.

Previous Entry Hahahaha! Stupid Elf. Sep. 2nd, 2004 @ 10:45 pm Next Entry
I am sitting here smoking a fat bowl and chuckling about how gullible Legolas's faithful elleths are. You really believed Legolas would willingly take drugs? Oh no no no, my dear ladies.
That was all the genius of your Kingly friend Aragorn!

He had it coming for awhile though. The way I see it, its his own bloody fault! Look at this:

Yelling at me to fight and help save those stupid hobbits when I was enjoying a nice smoke! Who the hell does he think he is?!

Then having the nerve to suggest I need help for my addiction and offering to help me seek assistance? WHAT addiction?!

I grew weary of his pious behaviour and obvious jealousy issues. So yesterday when he grew hungry and asked for a piece of Lembas, I slipped him a special concoction, a Lembas brownie containing enough pipe weed to kill a small oliphaunt.
Damn I'm good.

His post afterwards about the smurfs and that was all true, though I edited it to make it look like he took the drugs willingly.
Also, as another stroke of genius, I took out the disgustingly sweet avowals of love for Tinuviel and his child, as well as his other elleths.
I thought it would be amusing to respond to his comments as himself while he played Titanic with Gimli and blabbered on about the stars reminding him of the light in Tinuviel's eyes.

Everyone fell for it too, just as I planned and watching everyone he loves turn against him was infinitely satisfying. I love to hear that his elleths think so little of him, as well they should!
But I wasn't finished yet.

"Aragorn, I don't feel so well." Legolas said later.
"Here, try these mushrooms," I said. He looked dubious but after I reminded him that I was a healer and they were medicinal, he accepted.

Now I sit back, smoke another fat bowl and watch as he lies in a fetal position and cries for his elleths in the midst of a bad trip.
Some people just can't handle their drugs. *snicker*
Gûrel câr man arad?: amusedamused
Man pen linna?: Insane in the Brain- Cypress Hill
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From:oblotr
Date:September 2nd, 2004 08:04 pm (UTC)
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Aragorn, you have lost all of my respect. How could you? Legolas loves you like a brother, and this is how you treat him? You know, I was upset with Legolas at first, but after thinking about it, it did sound funky that he would willingly take that vile stuff.

You should be dipped in tar, and then feathered and given to Haldir to let him have his way with you. I just hope you have not permanetly harmed "your friend" Legolas. Some friend you are. If I was living in Middle Earth, I would not want you to be king. You don't deserve it, nor do you deserve Legolas' friendship. I hope you don't have his bow anymore.
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From:alaksirwen
Date:September 2nd, 2004 08:21 pm (UTC)
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Ha, King my ARSE! I hope you die, no I wish you a lifetime of torture in Isengard! I can't wait to get to Gondor to spit on your throne, you slime off an orc's testicle! Come within ten feet of Legolas and I will have your head on a spit!
*goes off to find her beloved prince*
Hell hath no fury like a pregnant woman's scorn.
~Tinuviel
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From:nasveratu
Date:September 2nd, 2004 08:41 pm (UTC)

Honestly...

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Aragorn, you sick craven git. How could you do this to Leggy?!? What ever little faith he had in you I'm sure has gone down the drain pipe. Have fun snogging pitchforks in HELL. Send Hitlermy reguards from Broadway.

~Valarie
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From:gracheness
Date:September 2nd, 2004 09:24 pm (UTC)
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*jumps on slagging-off-aragorn bandwagon*

poor legolas =( what a horrible thing to do. i hope you get some really bad trips/ flashbacks.
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From:catonthemoon
Date:September 2nd, 2004 10:20 pm (UTC)

You disgust me.

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You are the kind of human that lead me to attempted genocide in my youth. You are a horrible, pathetic creature who cares for no one but himself. You are not even worthy of being called human. Most humans are simply oblivious--you are malicious and manipulative.

However, you have forgotten one thing abut Legolas. He my friend, and I am one of the most powerful beings ever to exist. I could destroy you instantly, if so I wished. Such a small, damaged mind as yours would be quite easy to crush. Though, I prefer fire. It is much easier to create, and much more gratifying. The screams last much longer.

I would advise you to remember who and what I am, and that I am Legolas's friend, next time you seek to cause him pain.

You pathetic, heartless human. I should find you and destroy you at this moment--but one of the few good humans I have met has taught me of mercy. I will give you one chance to redeem yourself.
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From:disturbedangel2
Date:September 2nd, 2004 10:23 pm (UTC)
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I'm a very passive person, but Aragorn..thats just.. god thats just plain mean, I thought that you'd be a bigger man then to do this to our Legolas..

This just shows HOW much you truely envy Legolas, admit it you've always envied him, and because your insecure with your 'manhood' that you envy the devotion his Elleths have for him, even if they did scorn him before, thats not what devotion is.

Honestly Aragorn, I thought you'd be a better man then this, this is just pathetic, I fear for the sake of Gondor if you ever make it out alive to step up to the throne.. Sauron will truely win if you are leading the way.

Back off of Legolas I don't think you want to have as many Elleths as he has going against you...some of us are down right brutal.. and I do have a think for torture methods...I think hot pokers under the fingernails is a good start..

last warning Aragorn...
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From:young_deity
Date:September 2nd, 2004 11:49 pm (UTC)
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Aragorn, I hope someone threw crack cut with drain cleaner in your pipe!! Jerk!
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From:misswilde
Date:September 3rd, 2004 02:25 am (UTC)
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Aragorn, you are so f#cked.
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From:mrs_silmarwen
Date:September 3rd, 2004 04:14 am (UTC)

Damn you, Aragorn.

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Son of Arathorn!!! Is thát a way to behave as being a future king?! Só childish, full of jealousy of his elleths and irresponsible?!
You should be bloody ashamed of yourself!!! This journey isn't all about you and your thoughts should be with more important issues.
Go out save Merry and Pippin, dammit! I'm pretty sure the Orcs are torturing them and if you won't hurry, they might loose their patience and eat them.
*explodes with anger*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Legolas dear, if you read this after your mushroom adventure; drink lots of water, it will do you good, my poor Prince.
And I'm very sorry I've doubted your noble nature. Will you forgive me?
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From:oblotr
Date:September 3rd, 2004 05:35 am (UTC)
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I think we all need to ask for his forgiveness. I know I do. I should of had more faith in my prince. I will never doubt again. Please, Legolas, do not hold a grudge against any of us. Forgive me?
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From:lindsayalleene
Date:September 3rd, 2004 06:03 am (UTC)
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I don't know about the rest of you, but the idea of Legolas playing Titanic with Gimli is frikkin adorable! So, I shall say this. Shame on you king of men, and thanks for the imagery.
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From:aficatgirl2222
Date:September 4th, 2004 12:38 am (UTC)

*smile* Hello to all.

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Where is this Boromir? Is he really gone? So sad a thought. I would have loved to have bumped bodies with him. *sigh*
Farewell all
-Goldie (the golden one)
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